Heart Attack

I am thankful for Passover in so many ways. The first and foremost is that Adonai Yeshua HaMashiach became my Passover two thousand years ago, redeeming me from the bondage of sin, and promising me a new life in which He would never leave nor forsake me.

I feel most unworthy of all of that and sometimes wonder how God could even love me that much. When I had a heart attack I again in my formidable fashion blamed myself and counted myself a failure and unworthy. But then as everything unfolded I saw the wonderful hand of God at work.

I had a burning sensation across my chest for about a month and I ignored it. I took pain pills and acid reducers, but when the pain persisted I went to the doctor. Again, God was gracious in my denial and saved me out of my negligence. God is so good. So many people are in denial about the state of their soul, and don’t go to the Great Physician for help. I can see why now. Man no more wants to admit they are in mortal danger of dying in their sin without repenting and accepting the Lord, than I wanted to admit I was having a heart attack.

The initial shock of learning that I had had a heart attack was one of unbelief. When the initial shock wore off and I was scheduled for an angio gram I didn’t panic nor was I afraid. I found myself in a place that I could die and I had accepted that fate. I actually was giddy with delight when the nurses prepared me for the procedure. I hadn’t any drugs yet either.

Recently, I had made a commitment to the death for God and wondered to what extent that would bring me. Was I ready? I have the answer now. Yes. It’s not because I count myself worthy. I know I’m not. I don’t fear death because I love everlasting life so much. The concept of living with the Lord for eternity out weighs my desire to live on this earth--I’m not trying to be brave or heroic here. I am still a failure, an idiot and unworthy. The point is and will be forever on my lips: God is worthy of all praise. He gets the glory for all the good that has recently happened to me because only He could have done all the good that happened. God gave me a great Cardiologist, great nurses, great care, even though they vehemently refused to give me a full body bath and massage. Just kidding. We are told to give God thanks in everything. I believe that is because He is in everything.

So I had one clogged artery and two that are 60 % clogged. The other two had actually made up the difference for the one that wasn’t working. That part of my heart didn’t get any damage because of how the other two compensated for the loss from the one. Do you see how God works? I count myself the most blessed man. That’s because no matter how much I mess up, God is always there compensating for my short comings, and bringing His life giving blood to that area of my spirit that will never die.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Shalom